The transcript below is from the video “10 Greatest Warriors In History” by Alltime10s.

AllTime10s (Informative, Fascinating And Engaging Top 10 Videos):

Your history teachers may have shied away from them, but history is full of murderous maniacs psychopathically cleaving their way into legend. From a love-smitten viking to ferocious farmer to a man with actual freaking sword-arms, these is the 10 Greatest Warriors of all time.

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Number 10: PIER GERLOFS DONIA

Pier’s story begins in 1515, when mercenaries hired by the House of Habsburg, the Royal family that ran Austria rode into town and started pillaging. Rather than thinking, ‘Hey, let’s not mess with the giant who can bend pennies’, the mercenaries killed his children, raped and murdered his wife, and burned his local church down. This set Pier off on a lifelong mission of revenge. Not satisfied with just tracking down and killing all 4,000 of the mercenaries responsible, Pier declared war on the Habsburgs, who again run the whole of Austria. Gathering a band of rebels, Pier spent four years as a pirate, attacking Austrian ships. In that time, he sank as many as 138 boats. On land, his forces successfully plundered two castles, burned down an entire village, and butchered an army of 300 enemy soldiers. Unfortunately, even a muscle-bound Pirate King can’t defeat an entire nation, and Pier eventually retired in 1520.

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Number 9: MIYAMOTO MUSASHI

If your uncle starts training you in sword fighting from the age of seven, you know you’re either going to become an expert swordsman or spend the rest of your childhood figuring out how to build LEGO sets with your feet. Miyamoto Musashi was the former, becoming arguably 16th century China’s most famous warrior. His first duel was at the age of 13, when he defeated Arima Kihei in the most skillful, elegant way possible: stabbing him in the head and then beating him to death with his bare hands. At the age of 16, Miyamoto left his home and started travelling around the towns of Ancient China challenging locals to duels. He spent decades slashing foes to pieces, living out his life as a one-man roaming Tekken game. After a while, Miyamoto grew so bored of easily carving up his foes that he started fighting with a wooden sword. And still, no one could beat him. Honestly, this guy could’ve fought all his duels with a pool noodle and still come out on top. Having 160 duels and never having lost one, a jaded Miyamoto retired at the age of 55 to write philosophy.

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Number 8: LEONIDAS

The ancient Spartans were balls-out mental. They threw disabled babies off a mountain, hunted their own slaves, and subjected all male citizens to military training from the age of 7. Yet even for a Spartan, King Leonidas stands out as especially badass. When a Persian army tore through Greece in 480 BC, Leonidas took 300 Spartans soldiers to hold them off at the narrow pass at Thermopylae. Considering they were up against 70,000 to 2 million Persians, that’s pretty ballsy. When warned that the Persians had enough archers that their arrows would block out the Sun, Leonidas replied in true action-movie style: ‘Then we’ll fight in the shade’. The Persians attacked them for two days straight, but Leonidas and the Spartans held the line, using their spears and short swords to kill 10,000 enemy soldiers. Unfortunately, a Greek traitor called Ephialtes told the Persians there was another path they could take, and the Persians surrounded the Spartans. At this point, most people with a basic understanding of arithmetic would probably surrender. But Leonidas stood his ground, and the Spartans fought until each and every one of them was dead. Many of them broke their weapons in the fight and started punching and biting the Persian soldiers. Their heroic last stand brought the rest of Greece time to rally a larger army and defeat the Persians.

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Number 7: XIAHOU DUN

Growing up in the 3rd century AD, Xiahou Dun was always what you call a ‘problem child’. As in he was a child who’d beat up anyone, he had a problem with. When he was 13, he killed a man who insulted his favorite teacher. What is it with ancient China and these murderous 13-year olds? As an adult, Xiahou joined the Han army, less out of a sense of loyalty to his homeland than out of a desire to kill strangers. As the bodies piled, he quickly rose through the ranks to become a major, then a colonel, then a general. But the incident that made Xiahou a legend happened during the Battle of Yan Province in 194 AD. While cleaving his way through an army of 10,000 men, Xiahou was hit in the left eye with an arrow. Considering an arrow to the knee is close enough to make most people stop adventuring, what happened next is incredible. Xiahou wrenched the arrow out of his socket with the eyeballs still attached. Then, deciding it would be an insult to his family to simply throw it away, Xiahou ate the eyeball in front of the stunned archer before stabbing him. The Han would go on to win the battle and war, presumably because no one wanted to fight the guy who didn’t flinch at headhunting an arrow.

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Number 6: HARALD FAIRHAIR

We’ve all done things we wouldn’t normally do to try and get a sweetheart’s attention. But while you may think that the Italian meal you cooked or that terrible poem you wrote were ambitious, they don’t really compare with creating an entire country for someone. In the ninth century, Norway wasn’t one unified nation but a collection of regional kingdoms. Harald Fairhair was the King of the tiny kingdom of Vestfold and when he proposed to the Princess of Hordaland, she told him she couldn’t be with a man who had such a small…Kingdom. Rather than taking the hint and going home to eat Ben and Jerry’s in his underwear, Harald swore he’d conquer all the kingdoms of the land. He even promised not to cut or comb his famous golden locks until he had. Over the next decades, Harald slaughtered his way through Scandinavia, knocking down army after army as he spread his empire. In one battle, three kings teamed their armies up against Fairhair’s men, but Harald simply cut a path through the soldiers, reaching the three kings and burying an axe into each of them. After killing scores of enemy kings, Harald stood alone as the leader of a unified Norway in 872 AD. And yes, he got the girl.

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Number 5: MONSOPIAD

Marauding seven-foot Dutchman and psychopathic eyeball munchers may be pretty terrifying to meet on the battlefield, but at least you’d see them coming. Monsopiad, however, could shoot you with enough toxic material to kill Charlie Sheen without you ever spotting him. A head-hunter from 19th century Kuai in Borneo, Monsopiad was fed up of his village constantly being pillaged by other, stronger tribes. So, one day he wandered out into the jungle with a 2-meter blowpipe and a handful of poisoned darts. Sneaking from village to village and sniping the leader of each enemy clan. After each kill, Monsopiad hacked off his victim’s head with a machete and added it to a stash of skulls he was hoarding. Which is about a million times cooler than a stamp collection. He returned with a stunning 42 heads, and the other villages got the message to never mess with Kuai again. Unfortunately, killing an entire softball league of people went to Monsopiad’s head and he became something of a dictator in his village. In the end, the villagers gathered together at night and murdered him. But then they renamed the village after him, so, you know, swings a roundabout.

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Number 4: AARON BURR

Generally speaking, Vice Presidents don’t kill people. But then generally speaking, Vice Presidents aren’t Aaron freaking Burr. When the US War of Independence broke out in 1775, the 19-year-old Burr quit his gig as a lawyer and joined the American Revolution. Sent up to fight in Quebec, he made a name for himself after personally shooting his way through 20 or so enemy soldiers to try and rescue his injured commanding officer. After that, Burr served in New York, where he helped defeat a British Invasion of the city and fought alongside George Washington in the Battle of Monmouth. On another occasion in Yale, Burr and a handful of local college students managed to fend off 2,000 professional British soldiers. After the war ended, Burr entered politics and wound up becoming Thomas Jefferson’s Vice President. You’d think that an office job would put an end to Burr’s killing, but no. After getting their tiff with Alexander Hamilton, Burr challenged him to an illegal duel and shot him to death. The state of New York put out an arrest warrant for Burr, but he simply ignored it and went back to being VP. To this day, Burr is the only Vice President to kill someone while in office.

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Number 3: FLAMMA

Being a Roman gladiator was not a great life. You were a slave forced to fight for people’s entertainment and were lucky to survive more than a couple of battles. Unsurprisingly, all gladiators dreamed of winning enough battles to be given their freedom. All except a crazy Syrian gladiator known only by his stage name Flamma, which means, ‘The Flame’. Flamma wasn’t interested in any of those things like ‘retirement’ or living past 30. He had one obsession and one obsession alone: being famous. Basically, he was Kim Kardashian with a sword and a death wish. Armed only with a sword and a shield, Flamma usually faced off against Retiarius gladiators, dodging their tridents and nets before gutting them. Over the course of his career, Flamma was offered his freedom on no less than four occasions. Each time he rejected it and continued his life of hacking people to pieces. Flamma was in a staggering 34 battles, but after 13 years of fighting, he was eventually killed in the arena around 200 AD.

AllTime10s (Informative, Fascinating And Engaging Top 10 Videos):

Number 2: GENGHIS KHAN

When you’re the head of a horde of fearsome warriors responsible for more deaths than your average dictator, you know you’ve got to be in this video somewhere. Genghis Khan was the founder of the Mongol Empire, an empire which ended up covering 24 million square kilometers of land. How did Khan’s empire grow so large? By wiping out anyone who stood in their way of course. Khan’s armies killed over 40 million people, which at the time was 10% of the world’s population. Obviously, you don’t get to be the leader of a group like that without having some serious skills. Khan was a fearless warrior and skilled archer from childhood. First testing his abilities when a gang of slave traders captured him. Despite him and his wife being enslaved for months, Khan eventually managed to escape and kill his way to freedom. Khan would become such an obsessive obliterator of enemies, that he may have accidentally been the world’s first environmentalist. With so many people no longer breathing, and with so many wiped out civilizations returning to uninhabited woodland, Khan is credited with removing 700 million tons of Carbon Dioxide from the atmosphere.

AllTime10s (Informative, Fascinating And Engaging Top 10 Videos):

Number 1: GALVARINO

If you ever wanted a version of Edward Scissorhands who was a relentless murderer, look no further than the story of Galvarino. A 15th century warrior from the Mapuche tribe in Chile, Galvarino led 150 men in a surprise attack against the expanding Spanish Empire. As tends to happen when you have swords and your enemy have guns, the warriors were roundly defeated and Galvarino was captured. The Spanish cut off his hands and sent him back to his tribe as a warning. Not discouraged by his lack of hands, Galvarino decided to lead another attack on the Spanish. And rather than enter the battle literally unarmed, he did the craziest thing possible: tied blades to his stumps. Yes, this guy actually made himself into Wolverine. With 3,000 warriors behind him, Galvarino led a second attack on the Spanish troops. Unfortunately, even if they’re lashed to your arms, swords still don’t beat guns. Though only managing to kill around 30 soldiers, Galvarino did find the Spanish force’s second-in-command and cut him into ribbons. He was recaptured and the Spanish impressed by his DIY approach to prosthetics, offered to spare him. Our favorite machete-handed loon stared them in the eye and told them that if they released him, he’d rip them apart with his teeth. The Spanish fed him to their dogs.

So, that was the 10 Greatest Warriors of all time. Did we leave anyone off the list? Reckon you could take all of them?




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