TotallyPointlessTV (YouTube Channel That Exposes Fake Martial Art Masters):

Hello, everybody and welcome back to another pointless video. Today we’re going to be taking a look at the ancient and noble art of ninjutsu training beginning with this absolute non-psychopathic non-cat killing legend.

Video clip of a man swishing a ‘sword’

TotallyPointlessTV (YouTube Channel That Exposes Fake Martial Art Masters):

“God damn! That’s power. It looks like a trailer of Season 2 of Don’t Fuck with Cats. I mean this is someone’s son. Imagine you sat in your bedroom, you look at your window one morning, and you see your son out the window looking like a poster for why a kid shouldn’t play manhunt. It’s just the most upsetting sight to see. Chris Hansen is definitely waiting around that bush.”

“This is a famous sword-fighting technique for when you want to go to a little ninjutsu raze. The people get in all up on your grill. So, you just take up your knife and you dance away because they’re nowhere coming near you.”

Video clip of a woman dancing around with a ‘sword’

TotallyPointlessTV (YouTube Channel That Exposes Fake Martial Art Masters):

“You see a little encore there where the bats flying on her face and she has to fight off the invisible bats. Really good form. Solid performance. I give it two ninjutsus on one shuriken.”

Video clip of women training at a gym

TotallyPointlessTV (YouTube Channel That Exposes Fake Martial Art Masters):

“Ninjas are famous for their ability to slowly hop over a wall and then attack a stationary target. No one sees it coming. I mean everyone sees it coming.”

Video clip of women training at a gym

TotallyPointlessTV (YouTube Channel That Exposes Fake Martial Art Masters):

“Well, thank fucking Juno for slowing that movement down. I mean, it’s not as if we all have done this move six years over in the park with our buddies. Yeah, we’re fucking cool. Look at how cool we are. I’m even holding a knife.”

Video clip of a man and woman training at a gym

TotallyPointlessTV (YouTube Channel That Exposes Fake Martial Art Masters):

“Like he just escaped from a mental asylum, living out his lifelong fantasy of murdering women. Deadlier warriors have never been more impressed. I shall never be. Now, I’m about to move on. I will show you some cool ninja training. But before I do, I’d like to take this moment to implore you to please hit the like and subscribe button. “It would be lovely if I could hit a nice, round 25,000 subscribers and all the likes. Help my videos get recommended. So, thank you very much. If you don’t, I’ll wait until you’re asleep and I’ll do little fun flip of your bedside table and I’ll damn cut your head off. That’s what I’ll do.”

“Here, we see air so fat he’s significantly skinnier than the cousin practicing ninjutsu skills this time with jaw-wielding access.”

Video clip of a man training with a sword

TotallyPointlessTV (YouTube Channel That Exposes Fake Martial Art Masters):

“This is live footage of him protecting his virginity from would be raiders. No one’s going to pop his chair until he’s ready.”

“This guy does have a certain level of skill. I’ll give it to him. He knows how to handle the blade like he knows how to hold a bowl of nachos. He got that shit on a lock.”

Video clip of TV shopping

TV Host:

“110116 is the item number on this one. And the nice thing about this katana is…Ow! Oh, that hurt! Oh! That hurt big time! A piece of that…just the tip…just got me. Oh, that got me good.”

Another man:

“You all right?”

TV Host:

“A piece of that tip just got me.”

Another man (replacing the host):

“Right now, we may need emergency surgery in the studio.”

TotallyPointlessTV (YouTube Channel That Exposes Fake Martial Art Masters):

“I like the way he quotes that and they just replaced him. Keep it rolling. Hell, if anything, that’s a selling point, but he knows it’s a real blade. But why you would choose to demonstrate that by just smacking it, blunt side against the table? I don’t know. I hope he’s okay, you know. Poor fellow. I imagine it’s a stressful situation to trying to sell a samurai sword to grannies on their lunch break, you know. It’s not the easiest crowd to sell a samurai sword to unless their grandchildren are serial killers.”

“Flying back over to India now, I’m going to show you the best way to deflect and attack with a stick. Now, this is bullet proof.”

Video clip of two men training

Indian man speaking in a foreign language

TotallyPointlessTV (YouTube Channel That Exposes Fake Martial Art Masters):

“Well, that’s the trick, kids. Make sure your right arm is always slathered in a thick, coat of grease every time you leave the house. Then, when someone comes at you with a slow overhead attack, you just raise your arm, and it just slides right off. Simple. It won’t break your wrist. Will it work? Yes. Is it efficient? Yes.”

“Now I would like to end this video by looking at three clips sent in by wonderful people in the Reddit r/FakeMartialArts which I will leave a link to in the description. If you haven’t already, please check out this Reddit, follow it, and post any of your clips. In fact, what I’m going to do, if you made it this far is, I want to do a little give away, right? So, you guys can get involved. Send in your clips and get a little something back, so we both win. I want you to put in your favorite martial arts clips like the one I’ve shown you today. And at the end of the month, when I put out another video, one of the best clips or the clip that makes me laugh the most, I will send a 20-pound Amazon gift voucher, okay? So, you get involved in the video making process and you stand to win a 20-pound Amazon gift voucher. So, I’ll announce the name of the Reddit user. I’ll send him a message, and I’ll send the code for the 20-pound gift voucher so everyone wins. Please get involved. Like this video. Post your funny clips in the Reddit. Follow the Reddit and stay tuned to find out.”

“So, first, we’re going to be looking at a bit of a Jedi mind trickery that doesn’t quite go the practitioner’s way.”

Video clip of Jedi training

TotallyPointlessTV (YouTube Channel That Exposes Fake Martial Art Masters):

“I mean, does that honestly even require any jokes or puns to be made? It’s just pure and utter crap. But luckily, he was doing a live demonstration to a group of different people that could come along willy-nilly. And one of them actually challenged his abilities. And oh boy, Nelly. Is it lovely to watch this people get called out in public?”

Video clip of training

TotallyPointlessTV (YouTube Channel That Exposes Fake Martial Art Masters):

“So, after demonstrating a bunch of bullshit knockouts where they try to attack him and everyone falls down, the dude stands up and he just starts pushing him around. And he never actually manages to knock him out.”

“Here’s another brilliant knife disarm. I’m a big fan of the knife disarms purely because how only rubbish the majority of them actually are. So, let’s take a look and see what this guy thinks the best way to disarm a knife attacker is.”

Video clips of men training to disarm a knife

Trainer:

“We’re going to bring it around and we’re going to pick it out and I’m going to take it out with my left hand here. Okay? Now, for this one, you guys have to help out…this part should need to help out a bit. This one doesn’t come into play a lot unless they’ve got like a big knife. Pocket knife, you’d never be able to do this. But if they’ve got a Swiss knife or with a machete or something, you may be able to take it out here. So, you take out the handle, the hand slides right across his hand and you just pull out. Okay?”

TotallyPointlessTV (YouTube Channel That Exposes Fake Martial Art Masters):

“Now, let me assure anyone, for the love of Jeebus, that is you are thinking of attending that maneuver, your wrist will be slashed to pieces before you ever manage to get a full rotation like that. Now, unless you are in the case of this man, you know, disarming a mentally disabled child, you’re not going to pull off a trick like that, unless of course, you are fighting a mentally disable child – in which case, go ahead. His methods and techniques are absolutely perfect for that situation. But in the real-world scenario, try to do little spins like that with a guy with a knife, frantic, charging at you, it’s going to end one way. I keep on saying it over and over again. But people don’t realize that people comment down there, you know. People with big neck beards who have never been in a fight in their lives. ‘Yeah, but I could do that. I’ve got proper training. I could disarm a knife.’ No, no. You would die. Never mind. Watching Bruce Lee on your computer and while you’re on cheesy post will be enough to make you disarm a fellow with a knife.”

“And finally, another post from ‘smokkaraucher’. I hope I’m pronouncing that at least somewhat right. And he’s managed to find quite possibly the most badass human being ever to exist. Let’s check him out.”

Video clip of a man training

TotallyPointlessTV (YouTube Channel That Exposes Fake Martial Art Masters):

“Goddamn. First, he smokes that flag, then he smokes you numb. He is not to be messed with. This is Pooten’s personal body guard and he will do you like he does that cigarette – quick and easy.”

“Thank you very much for watching, ladies and gentlemen. I hope you enjoyed this video. As I say, please be sure to like. Please be sure to subscribe. Much love. Buh-bye!”




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