TotallyPointlessTV:

Hello everybody and welcome back to another TotallyPointless video and yet another fake martial arts masters exposed. Today we’re going to be taking a look at the infamous yellow bamboo.

Yellow Bamboo Instructor:

Good. Good. Good. Yes. Good.

TotallyPointlessTV:

A mixture between a cult, a philosophy and a bunch of middle-aged people that have no idea which direction to take their life in.
Now I have managed to find some of the best bits of yellow bamboo, that is going to be a very comprehensive look at the beliefs and experiences of members of the yellow bamboo cult… I mean Society.

Yellow Bamboo Instructor:

So don’t be frightened of your passion and your dark energy. Please use it in this. So if you find you’ve got feelings coming up then just use it more in the practice. So first of all you need to build it up. Put your hands on the belly. Like this. You can put the thumbs up, if you like it. To make contact with our source of power, the horror of the Tan Tien- center of energy in the body, and when I say breathe out… and you blow out a black smoke which is ill, the negativity, the tiredness, anything that is pain in your body just breathe it out. And you keep your breath out and you tighten the body

TotallyPointlessTV:

Oh thanks Professor Snape. I appreciate the Defense Against the Dark Arts class. However his methodology for releasing the negativity it’s somewhat reminiscent of Snoop Dogg’s philosophy, except he’s missing one of the key ingredients.

Yellow Bamboo Instructo:r

We… and you blow out a black smoke which is all the negativity, the tiredness, anything that is a pain in your body… just breathe it out. And first of all you look to the right and you imagine all this energy around your body and you feel yourself pulling it in, but you tighten the hold of the body looking to the right pull the energy and looking to the left and the same. Pull it in here with your mind and then I say look up pull the energy down into your body and lock it in the belly look up look up. Yes. It’s coming up this way. Do it. Push up. Hands together. Hands back on the belly. As soon as you get the chest height, then drop the arms. Keep your focus, cross the arms, bend the legs… so now you imagine there’s huge chains all around the body right up to the head. And when I say break the chains open the hands, send the energy out the back of the hands, out the whole of the body and it looks like this- so you’re coming down… I say bend your knees, cross the arms and then break the chains. Pulling in from the right, pulling in from the left, looking up. Breath in. Use your voice this time. Break the chain.

TotallyPointlessTV:

This shit is like a fucking fever dream. I haven’t got the slightest clue what is going on. But I’ll tell you one thing for a fact I’m stiffer than an aged diamond. It will come as no surprise to anyone that the man with the biggest belly is able to store the most Chi and therefore he is having the biggest convulsions.

Yellow Bamboo Instructor:

Your connection. Be aware of your body, when the hands come to here bend your knees, arms apart… nice and big, lots of space. You’re gonna send the energy out of here and energy up here see what happens in the middle. Keep going and keep breathing. You can breathe as much as you like and make space to breathe in. Tighten the whole body across the arms, look in to the right, pull the energy in. Looking to the left, looking up. Breathe in, pull the energy in. Pull it down.When you get to the chest, bend the knees, arms apart and push the energy out of the hands. Big breaths. Yes keep breathing. Good good good. More power… more power, more passion, more power, big… Look into the hands, look into the hands! Look! look! into the space between. Yes. Good. Good. Good…
Yes like… that’s good. Good. Of course this bloody moron’s name’s Magnus. What’s his full name Magnus Erect-his Caucus. What’s this guy on? He’s probably going through a divorce. His wife and kids left him. He’s got crippling debt in his life and he’s like do you know what I would go out and stand on a beach
and pretend I’m bloody Raiden.

Yellow Bamboo Instructor:

Yes.

TotallyPointlessTV:

And he just threw away a nit out of his hair? What was that?

Yellow Bamboo Instructor:

So you’ve got a lot of power.But it’s not really coming out. Okay. Real focus. Out now everything. Somebody’s life depends on it. So it’s now or never.

TotallyPointlessTV:

Yes. Okay. I get you now. Thank you for that noise. That noise encapsulates everything I’ve been doing wrong up into this point in my life.

Yellow Bamboo Instructor:

Got a lot of power. It’s not really…

Yes. Good. Look into your…

TotallyPointlessTV:

Okay. Oh shit… Oh man! She is feeling the power. Deep Breaths. Good. Deep Breaths. Good. Look into the hands. Look into the hands. Deep Breaths. Good. Look into the hands. Yes. Good. Host: I begged the camera just pans out and it’s an advert for like a mental institute.

Yellow Bamboo Instructor:

So keep your focus. Keeping to try defending themselves. Well it’ll work. So it doesn’t even feel… You are ready actually and you are ready. Do you want to do this? It’s like pushing forward with a shout. You ready? Yes, come here. You don’t have to touch. Can you come Magnus and Rebecca… So if you stand here, you here and Magnus and Rebecca you prepare her and I don’t know when I’m gonna come, so you have to prepare her quick.

TotallyPointlessTV:

Story of my life brother. There’s nothing to be ashamed about. That premature situations affect at least 1 in 10 men.

TotallyPointlessTV:

And this is today’s Biggest Loser, well who cares if she fractured her femur because you know it worked.

Yellow Bamboo Instructor:

Okay ready to join us in the circle? I think she’s really connected to like deep power being so close to death and be… you know. Touching on all these powers and deep emotion. You know when you say you know she’s connected you know I feel that she has given up. That is my feeling huh. I felt that she was not able to protect herself. It is scary. A lot of power moves but I it’s really good you know. I never believed really you know that he went for… you know through you know I know, I saw. So I’m really this is really good you know.

TotallyPointlessTV:

I’ll tell you what hippie, I’ll go give you a right hook across the chops when you’re not expecting it and then we’ll have a good discussion afterwards about how good it is. There you go he had to sacrifice the one innocent old lady just to try and prove he’s not sham.

Yellow Bamboo Instructor:

All you had to do… you were not trying to knock me down. Just defending yourself. You see energy moving and what you do… it doesn’t matter people in the way, anything you see me moving… as soon as you see me move everything you got in there you push it out. We can do it. We can do it. Let’s go. Sure.

TotallyPointlessTV:

Wow so believable. If you ever want to make someone believe you’re a good fire just go and right hook a nun and then go up to other people. And they’ll believe you’re a real real cool intimidating cat.

Yellow Bamboo Instructor:

Get together a circle and finish off. And I’m like what you’re not gonna get past. What I don’t want you to. It’s just you’re not and that’s it. So it’s really… it’s if you’re positive thinking. You just go nuts this is just gonna happen this isn’t gonna happen and that’s that and you can deal with it [?] Yeah and it works. It’s just a mental visualization that you know without a sand grain of doubt that it works and then it does. But you can’t work with this energy with doubt. So she’ll be fine.

TotallyPointlessTV:

Yeah you stupid old crow. That’s what happens and you doubt me. I’ll lay your ass out, but not if you’re a man and not if you’re bigger than me because then your chakras won’t work… big big chakra powers. They got the shock.

Yellow Bamboo Student:

The victim acts as the king is the same thing. It’s exactly the same. There is not that something. It is exactly the same. You set up… and I’m the victim. Think about it. It’s the same thing.

TotallyPointlessTV:

I have no idea what that outburst was about, but the latest episode of Coronation Street is just getting weirder and weirder. The drama’s are just getting more and more obscure, but if you think about the videos and think again. Buckaroo… as with all of these fake martial arts type videos, I always like to try and find a video where the fake practitioner will find a real martial artist. And I’ve done just that for you. But if you’ve enjoyed this video and want to see many more fake martial artists and other related videos do not forget to subscribe and please please for the love of dear cheaters like the video.

TotallyPointlessTV:

Hey believe harder rear chokeholds won’t work if you don’t believe. The Big Mac attack then tries it himself. It does not end any better. Now granted it was a very big struggle to lift a man from the ground. That was no impact of Chi. That was an impact of BMI. And here we have a little infomercial for YellowBamboo.com. Everyone get your wallets and PayPal’s ready because you’re going to be sending them hella money.

Yellow Bamboo Instructor:

It’s the first time my own experience this film is not about religion or particularly this group of yellow shirts. And there is no theory we are trying to prove or disprove.

TotallyPointlessTV:

Damn! Why don’t police just use that as crowd control you know when there’s rioting going on in the world or when the when the Hungarians were invading the Great Wall of China they should have just tied these people hanging off the edge, so when the armies marched in you just screaming. I mean what would you do against power like that? How can you fight power like that? Now I found this video and I included it because it made me laugh. Now you might not be able to tell immediately but one of those pixels are actually YellowBamboo members. I know crazy. But there are people amongst those blur of pixelated colors. Now while I was on my travels I also managed to find a YellowBamboo levels 1 & 2 training video, that people would actually pay for to learn how to live and practice the way of the YellowBamboo. The video has been long enough as it is okay. So I can’t at this it’s a two hour long video explaining how to be like YellowBamboo. So if you want to see me talk about this and break it apart and show everything bit by bit leave a like and just comment that you want to see it. If there’s enough demand, I’ll do it. But you know it’s a very long video so that is definitely gonna have to be its own video. Let me know if there’s good enough feedback then yeah I’ll go through it. But only if you guys want to see him.

Yellow Bamboo Instructor:

What we are going to be covering today is everything you need to know to do your level I and level II daily practice.

TotallyPointlessTV:

I did try to look up the YellowBamboo.com website to see if I could find any more hilarious footage or information about the cult I mean Society but actually YellowBamboo.com is no longer an occupied website. So anyone can snap that up to purchase if you want to call yourself but yeah. I don’t imagine that YellowBamboo is doing too well if they can’t even afford what was I imagine a basic non cost intensive website. But look I’m gonna end the video there ladies and gentlemen. Please let me know if you enjoyed this one and if you want to see that video I talked about earlier. Thank you all so much for helping me pass 10,000 subscribers. Nearly back to the original 20K of the old channel and I’m very grateful for all the support you guys have been great. Looking forward to hearing every one comment how they’re a level 200 martial artist and how they could beat me up and all that great stuff. Have a great day and I’ll see you next time. Thank you very much. Bye bye.




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